I been chewin’ on this for a while now. My boy often accuses me of bein old fashioned, and refusin to enter the 21st century, or someplace like that. He is especially fond of pointin’ out that I have more than my share of problems with electronics. You know, them DVD’s and cell phones and such. He is kind of right, but, in my defense, most of them things is geared to personal amusement, and I just ain’t interested enough in that to spend the time, or Lord knows, not the money to amuse my “fancy.”
Now that I have explained my circumstance, let me just tell you about a little incident that made me want to change my mind.
A couple of months back, I got me permission to hunt a farm and swamp off of Egypt road near Cambridge. Now many of you fellows know how them swamps can be. What with all them ditches, and reeds and such all lookin’ the same. Why a feller can get himself turned around real fast. I have had a few scares in Blackwater, which I know a little. You know, one of them deals where you walk for an hour, and end up where you started. So I’m thinkin’, I have had my share of ditch jumping, briar bustin, and just plain being scared when I get turned around. Plus, this bein’ a new place and such. And never mind finding a good place to hunt only to never see it again cause you might be a little scared in the dark. Anyways, this fella says he don’t allow no one to hunt it, and even though I know that’s not possible, I figure I ought to give it my best shot, and maybe even get a chance at that big stag I been dreamin’ about for years.
So I decided to keep an eye out, and maybe get one of them GPS units, which my son says is the real deal. I declare, for that money it should gut that deer out for me. Anyway, Im lookin’ in the Guide, and see one for a real good price, owner says he didn’t have time to learn on it, and I know that feelin, so I buy it. The boy says that I can “mark” a spot anywhere, and the thing will lead me right to it, even in the dark.
I get the thing home, and find some batteries, and darn if every time I push a button, a new picture pops up. Heck, even if I push the same button a new picture pops up, and I ain’t understandin’ none of it. So I swallow my pride and ask the boy if he can show the Old Man how to use the thing; not everything, just how to “mark” my truck and maybe, if I find the place, put the “mark” on a good hunting stand. Well, he don’t laugh as hard as I thought he would, and shows me, a couple of times, how the deal works. I finally get to feelin’ pretty sure about it, and when I find my truck at the corner,one street over, I reckon Im ready.
About mid October, I finally get a chance to try her out. Now, I’m real excited cause local folks say this is the time them Sika deer are fixin to rut, and you know that’s some good eatin. So the day I been waitin’ for finally gets here. Partly cloudy, high temp. about 50, but maybe a little frost in the mornin’. So I call my boss that night, and give him my best “I believe I’m gittin’ real sick, and I know you ain’t wantin’ me to give it to everyone” story, and I ain’t missed many days lately anyway. So he says OK, and I’m all set. I get up about 4am, and get my things together, and remember that I forgot to get batteries for that GPS, so I panic, but remember that the TV remote uses the same size. I take them and make a mental note to stop at the store on my way home to get some new ones, or there may be some trouble around the house about 8pm when them special shows come on my wife don’t like to miss.
I get to the farm, and its still pretty dark, but I turn the thing on, and make my mark on the truck. Then I ease real slow into the woods, not wanting to rush nothin’, cause I don’t reckon I will do much good till evening when I can hunt the best spot I can find during the morning. Now I’m still hunting real good, which isn’t always easy, but I guess I feel confident about finding my way out today. I guess when you spend about half your time lookin’ so you don’t get lost, you ain’t huntin’ your best. Well its gettin on about lunch when I find it. I’m creepin into some laurels and holly with just enough green briars to make it interestin’. Well, its just about the best looking spot I ever seen. There was rubs, and scrapes and wallows, and glory be, even a tree big enough to hang my climber in. I haven’t been that excited since I found that Indian ax head over in the field years ago. First thing now, I have to mark this spot on my GPS, cause I think I might be spendin’ some time here this season. So, I pull out my machine and turn her on, and suddenly I don’t feel so good. Seems I left the thing on since morning, and them TV batteries was dead as a door nail. I told my wife she should replace them, but she don’t ever listen, even when I’m right. So there I am, in the middle of a swamp, with no idea how to get out. Remember, I was still hunting real good, and not payin’ a bit of attention to anything else. How many ditches did I cross, or which way did I go at that big holly tree? Now Im seein everything, including the clouds that have suddenly grown thick enough to mean some rain, and that nice cold breeze that just seemed to spring up. I knowed it would get dark early, and maybe I start to panic a mite, cause I’m thinkin’ it might be a good idea to find my way out first, and hunt later. So about a half hour later, I know the truth, I am lost, and not ashamed to admit it, so I tell myself to calm down, and try to head in one direction instead of circles.
So I’m truckin’ along, and spot something up ahead that don’t look right. Imagine my surprise when that somethin’ turns out to be a person. First, I thought he was huntin’, but when I got up on him I realize that he ain’t dressed for huntin’. In fact, he ain’t dressed for bein’ out here at all. He was wearing some old cover-alls and a jacket, and he seemed purty surprised when he seen me. I asked him if he was huntin, and he just says “nope”. So then I says, “What are you doin’ out here in this swamp dressed like that?” And he just says, “Thinking”. I can see he ain’t much of a talker, or worse, is so scared by being lost he is havin a spasm or somethin’. So I says, “Are you lost?” and he just says “nope”. Now , this all seems purty strange, and I get to thinkin’, maybe he is hidin’, and it comes to me who he might be. This time, I speak in my most serious voice, and I ask him, “Are you a patient from that Eastern Shore Hospital Center over yonder?” Well, he gets a funny look on his face, and he says, “Yep, are you going to turn me in?” Well, I didn’t want to bother him with my problems, about bein’ lost and all’ so I says he ought not be runnin’ away cause he can’t help it if he is crazy, and them people are just trying to help him. He calmly look over at me and says, “Im not running away, I just come out here ,when I get a chance, to spend some time in the peace and quiet.” Well, I can understand that, it must be a little noisy where he lives. Anyway, I remember my own problems, and ask him if he can tell me how to get out of here. He just says “nope,” and I get all riled up and say, “What do you mean? You just told me you weren’t lost. Just tell me how to get to a road, and I won’t say nothin’ to nobody.” Now I might have been gettin’ a little loud, cause this weren’t going to well, and I was wantin’ to get out real bad, and I might have been rantin’ and ravin’ a bit. He turns to look at me, and calmly says “Listen.” Well, I finally calm down, and when I do listen, I can hear the faint noise of traffic off in the distance. I even hear the sound of a trucks air brake popping off. He smiles and says, “ I said I wasn’t lost, but I don’t know exactly where I am, but if you follow the sound of that traffic you will hit a hard surfaced road, and you should be OK from there.”
I’m a little embarrassed, cause I been makin so much noise. What with trompin around in the swamp, and then rantin’ and ravin’ when I thought he wouldn’t help me, I wasn’t hearin’ nothin. Finally, I calm down, and say to him. “Fella, you are all right, and Im sorry for speakin’ to you harsh. We are both basically here for the same reason, some peace and quiet, and you can certainly keep your wits about you when I can’t. I rightly don’t know why they got you in that hospital in the first place. You don’t seem crazy to me at all.” He answers, kind of quietly, that he is in the hospital because he is crazy, not STUPID, and turns away from me.
Well, sometimes the Lord speaks in strange ways. I don’t know what to say. I guess I’ll think about this later, cause its gettin dark, and I still have to find my truck. After about 45 minutes, following the traffic sounds, I find myself on Maple Dam Road. Thank goodness them folks will pick up a half wet stranger, and give him a ride. Anyway, another half hour finds me back at my truck. I guess I got some thinking to do, but first I need to get them batteries.
I’m writin this just before the end of huntin’ season, cause Im thinkin’ someone might want a good, lightly-used, GPS so they can get to them hot spots. Well, its taken me so dang long to type this thing that I plum missed most of the season., But if you are one of them long planners maybe you might consider it for next year. I think I’ll just stick to the compass. So, if you need a GPS, cheap, just give me a call, but please don’t mention the particulars if my wife or son answers.
I just happened to think, it might make a nice gift for someone who you would like to humble a bit, like maybe that huntin’ partner that know everything, but please don’t try to give it to the wife, it wont work. Likewise with the batteries, I already tried that. Its like ol’ Red Green says, “We’re all in this together.”
Good Huntin’,
Bowhunter
Dan